and today is 3 months since my dad was taken away from me.
time ruins so fast. but pain gets deeper. 

I only were able to know my father for 18 years. for only 18 years.
Why is it so not fair? Why needed to took him away from me?
I can’t sleep at night now. I can’t live. Because I need him. I need him.

It wouldn’t be so painful not to have love. not to be loved.
If we wouldn’t wait for it. if we wouldn’t want it. 
Its too hard to wait for it, when you know you won’t have it.
I wish i could not want it. I wish i could.

Some people don’t love themselves just because none tries to love them.
Because none shows them love. 
None ever said to them that they are beautiful.
Beautiful just the way they are.
Just because their OWN family treats them as useless things.
That’s why they don’t love themselves.
Because they feel that they don’t belong in their own family.
Because they are being insulted there, where they needs to be loved.
That’s why they hate themselves. Hate.
Just because they don’t feel the love from world..
Because none wants to give them love..

I can’t see you

And I can’t feel you anymore.

Your odor little by little leaving my home..

Its too hard for me to live without you, daddy..
I can’t..i don’t know how to live without you..
You are everywhere here…everything reminds me of you..
Whatever i do..i think of you…
It will be already a month as you are not here with me..
And..my arms just ache..how much I want to hug you..
Because its first time..to not see you for soo long..
And i still can’t believe that i won’t see you anymore..
Because my heart screams how she missing you..

The one who never forgets.

Is the one who is forgotten. 

Even if this world tries to pull you down.

Find your broken dreams again. Don’t say that you can’t.

I never thought that it can happen to me.

I always was so sorry, and pity to those people who is going thought it..

And now when I think.. none can help you. None can make you feel better.

Nothing makes pain go away. Nothing will change..

I wish none of you, would feel this..go thought it..god, I wouldn’t wish it even to my enemy..

To see how mother cries every morning. How she tries to be strong.

And sisters…

There is no laugh right now in my house…

How I wish to make his pain..even a little easier.. 

I love you dad..more than anyone..
 

Doctor said that we might loose dad even in two weeks…
I’m dying..
I want to cry and cry and cry..